Saturday, February 21, 2015

I Don't Mind The Pain

Been listening to a lot of Type O Negative these last few days and really missing the Hell out of Peter Steele. You can say whatever you want to about his appearance, and occasional run ins with the law, but he was a true talent that had an otherworldly charisma. Very few vocalist catch my attention by just singing one word, and Peter was able to do that. One of a kind voice, brilliant composer, and phenomenal musician. I'd have loved to have heard a Type O record that was written when he was 100% clean and sober. And yes, I'm aware he was clean and sober when he died, and I'm very proud of him for that, but we never got to hear his mind at work with the "clarity". It's a shame he's gone but I'm glad it was due to natural causes and not another Layne Staley case. Or worse.

I've also been listening to loads of Danzig as well and there's another sad story. But for very different reasons. The lineup on those first 4 records was so solid it just kills me to think of what they could have accomplished together if Glenn hadn't got caught up in the "evil disco" of '5: Blackacidevil'. It's a decent record, but it's not very Danzig at all. I can think of 3 tracks off of it that come close to sounding like Danzig, and one of them is a cover song ("Hand Of Doom"), one is a remix of a track the 1-4 lineup recorded ("Deeper"), and one just isn't Danzig-ish at all musically but lyrically is the closest ("Power Of Darkness"). Ugh. When our favorite artists drift too far from their origins it can just be... awkward sometimes. I'm all for creativity and experimentation and evolving as an artist, don't get me wrong, but sometimes as a fan you just go: "What... the Hell?". I'm glad Glenn was able to strike a perfect balance on "666: Satan's Child". That's a killer record. Probably the best after the firing of John Christ, Chuck Biscuits, & Eerie Von.

'Death Red Sabaoth' is great as well, but '666' just stands out for some reason. I suppose 'Death Red' is the closest to the Danzig mk.1 lineup material out of all post material. It sounds vintage, the drumming (done by Glenn himself) is swingy yet pounding, and lyrically it really does feel like and old 70's rock and blues album sprinkled with a touch of Satan by the Left Hand Black. Great stuff. And Glenn's voice is in great shape again on it, which is, well, great. It must have been shitty to have one of the best and most distinctive voices in Heavy Metal and have to distort it so much with sound effects just to sound decent for so long.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Crawl Across Your Killing Floor

Made it home around 3 in the afternoon on Friday and instantly went on the hunt for a few hardware chains that are not in the area in which I'm working. These places are always stocked up with batteries for my drills and whatnot except for when I'm actually looking to buy some. I had planned on getting 4, I walked out with 1. "Fortune favors the brave" or something like that I suppose. Should've got 'em when I'd had the chance months ago. Ah well. Another shopping trip to look forward to on my next trek back home in April.

I spent a lot of time evaluating the wreckage of my past and the people I (sometimes) currently associate with. It was depressing as Hell. I find myself very bitter about where I am with my relationships with various people. It takes a certain kind of person to accommodate and accept and deal with someone that has a lifestyle like I currently have and I don't know many. The old saying "Out of sight, out of mind" really does apply to people sometimes. I find myself being that with most everyone back home. To say things are strained with certain people may be the perfect description or may not be close enough. I can't say for sure anymore.

I have been fortunate enough to have met some of the most amazing people the world has produced. I've been friends with hem, I've slept with them, and I've been in romantic relationships with them. And now 80% of them are gone from my life. Some by choice, others by circumstance, and others for reasons I still don't (and probably never will) know. I'm trying to build a better financially stable life for myself doing what I do. Nothing more, nothing less. I seek no rewards other than the means to survive. And it seems that has come with a price that I never anticipated and that bothers me a lot.

Were they all fair-weather? Maybe. Could I have prevented some of the alienation? I'm sure, if I'd thought or known it was going to happen. It's all uncomfortable thoughts when I examine it all.

I was lucky enough to spend Valentine's Day night with an old friend. It wasn't planned it just kind of happened. We talked, laughed, and just hung out for a couple of hours. There was nothing "romantic" or even sexual about it (I say that because it was Valentine's Day and I know how it could be interpreted.), just "normal". It was wonderful. For three hours I felt like I was actually living a life again and not just going through motions trying to "earn" one. I had it. And much like a heavy fog it was gone when the sun came out. But the memory will last, and I'm happy it happened.

One of these days my traveling journey will end. And I am going to live a normal life. And tomorrow I will wake up in a better mood and in good spirits with my sense of humor back on track. 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

What Baby Wants...

Getting ready to pack my bags up and go home tomorrow morning for the weekend. I'd have gone ahead and left tonight but I'm exhausted and my night vision isn't the best. I wake up every morning at 4:00a.m., and if I'd left for home right after clocking out today I might have made it by midnight. It would've been nice to wake up in my own bed tomorrow, but it's just not worth the risk. While it's been sunny and no lower than 60 degrees the last few weeks here it's been freezing cold back home with snow and ice. I just don't feel like hitting a patch of black ice in the middle of nowhere and getting stranded. Or worse.

And I'm ready for the trek. I've been fighting almost every day with co-workers and bosses for almost two weeks now. From something as stupid as someone borrowing my tools and not telling me they had them (leaving me to think $500 worth of tools had been stolen for two days and being pissed off about it before they told me: "Oh, we've got those over here. You need 'em back?") to defending co-workers against higher ups and every-fucking-thing in between, it's been a shit sandwich. So I just need to get the Hell away and relax for a couple of days. I get myself worked up just thinking back on it all...

I've no idea what I'll be doing. I wasn't supposed to go home again until March, but yesterday I decided I just have to for a tiny bit of peace of mind. So it's not like the weekend is planned, other than picking up the dog and spending a day with him.  I suppose I'll just wander around town for the first afternoon I'm home and get re-acclimated with the place and try to remember what it's like to be and how to behave around "normal" people.

And Valentine's Day is this weekend, so that means I'll have to once again not give a shit about a holiday since it's just another day for me. Fantastic day if you're in a relationship, but I'm not so I find it annoying seeing little rose bouquets and heart candies everywhere. I'm not bitter or lonely, it just gets on my nerves for some reason I haven't figured out yet. Just like when I see Christmas decorations going up for sale in October.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Do You Wear The Mark?

I spent the last few days lying in bed fighting some nasty illness that absolutely knocked me on my ass and made me miss work for the first time in 3 years due to illness. I'm not sure what it was, but my body ached constantly and I was sweating all the time, and I swear one night I saw the Grim Reaper at the foot of the bed pointing at me right before I fell asleep. Well, he could've been asking me where I got my neck pillow I suppose. Maybe I just didn't hear him ask.

It was pretty rough though, and right when I cracked and was going to see a doctor and get some sort of prescription, it vanished. 4 days of torment gone within an instant. It reminded me of the end of a "relationship" I was in once. What a relief. I refuse to visit a doctor and pay loads of money for a prescription that has an over-the-counter equivalent. I can't even stand the idea of it. And usually I soldier on through sicknesses and go to work and make all of my co-workers happy by sharing my suffering with them and then passing it on to them. I don't know how many times I've gone to work with strep throat (and if you've had it, you know how comfortable that sickness is and how it makes you so happy to be around other people) and the flu, but this bug just got me.

So it was bed for me for 4 days. Getting up only to use the bathroom, make some soup, and soak in a hot bath. And this brought me the chance to catch up on and learn about the current state of television. Fucking. Dreadful. There's cable here and even with that I couldn't find one show on before 4p.m. that didn't make me feel like an idiot for watching it. So I bounced back and forth between tv and 'Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker' which was loads of fun but a bit confusing for me in my (legally) medically inebriated state of mind. That's another thing I learned: If medicine says it's "Daytime safe", bet your ass I'll be un-suitable to operate heavy machinery or even walk within two hours of taking it. I tried two different kinds and both of them had me singing the theme to "Bonanza" and feeling like Afro-Man in his heyday.